A Changed Kiwi

OMGOSH! I just got back from Christmas Camp (northland's highschool retreat). I feel so good! I feel like a totally different person. Idn why, but I had a totally awesome experience with God last night. I haven't felt like myself since about........April. Like, there's just been this gap between me and Him, but now everything's so different (I hope this feeling lasts). Last night, at the New Year's Eve service (at Christmas Camp) we were singing songs and I just totally broke out into to tears, sobbing, while we were singing a slower song. Latlely, I had been thinking about so much stuff, boys, school, [boys], being left out, [boys], wanting attention, etc, and had been worrying about what it meant to give God control and how to do that. But when we sang, it was just me and God for the 1st time in a looooong time. I cried so hard, I don't think I've cried like that in atleast a year. But it was a good cry, I could feel all the weight that I wasn't even aware of lift off my shoulders. I hadn't even been asking "why is this happening? why do I feel this way?", but in those moments, I felt like he was holding me and telling me it had a purpose, there was/is a reason; I could feel his love, and what startled me is that what He showed me then (of his love) is probly nothing compared to what His love for me really is.