Romans 7:19

"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."


This is my story of why i didn't get home till 1am last night as told to Carolyn:
DoulosGurl46: I was kinda upset because of warren not letting me give him a ride home
DoulosGurl46: so I just left and took home only Taryn. but on the way home from dropping off Taryn, I pass Robert's road
DoulosGurl46: -I totally didnt mean to -i did it subconciously...
DoulosGurl46: I turned down his road without knowing it and then (conciously now) called him to see if he was home
DoulosGurl46: I told him to come outside cus I wanted to talk (about why I was upset)
DoulosGurl46: so he did, and I almost started crying, haha
DoulosGurl46: he invited me in and we talked about politics for a while and then he wanted to show me his new paintball gun so we went into his room. We talked for a good hour in there. I was in the chair and he on the floor. Eventually he suggested I sit on the bed 'cus he said I looked tired, so when he went to get me something for my headache, I did. His dad came in later when I was almost asleep on his bed and Robert was telling me a story and "go home. it's late"
DoulosGurl46: his mom already thinks im a slut cus of the whole stupid "hands above the blanket"
DoulosGurl46: now his dad thinks Im one too!


-Somehow, I do exactly what Romans 7:19 does (what paul does).
'cept I'm sure I'm worse than Paul ( i know all sins are equal, but still)
I don't want to get mad, but I get angry and end up off-roading through my yard just go get away from Warren.
I'm insecure and let Robert know it; and he always reminds me that he's supposedly not insecure at all.
Then I want a boyfriend emotionally, but at the same time I don't want one logically. Grrr. I was actually willing to set aside my standards and values to date Robert. How stupid. I can't believe I let Valentines Day, my friends, and my feelings get to me.
I don't want to "quick to anger"...
I just want to go away so I quit making these mistakes. I'm such a fool. I'm always doing things I regret. I wish I could be apathetic all day, lying in my bed, under the covers, and eating jell-o. -And then have a boyfriend come over and try to cheer me up by taking me to the mountains or the beach...see?! I'm awful! heh.