Mood: Sullen, Betrayed :: Music: Sixpence

Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love.
- John LeCarre

Tonight, right before I left for ABS, Cayla IMed me. She started talking about a friend who she said liked her (she was pretty sure her friend did), but she didn't like her friend. She didn't mention the name of the kid who I assumed was a boy from her church or at school or something. So I said, knowing from my recent thing with Warren, that she probably shouldn't probe into it to find out unless she liked the kid too.
So I then asked who the kid was, and she replied, "You."

Oh Senor, I always knew Cayla didn't think I was the coolest person in the world, and I knew she didn't really make spending time with me a priority. I figured next year I wouldn't share a locker with her and then I would never see her again.

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
-Proverbs 18:24 (the message)

I knew she didn't really want to be friends anymore. I noticed that when I called her she didn't want to talk and she made up an excuse to go before I had barely said hi. I noticed that when I asked her to spend the night that she always had an excuse at hand. I realized she didn't talk to me in public. I realized I didn't dress how she did, I wasn't a cheerleader, that I'm not popular, that I'm not as booksmart as her, that I don't care about looks as much as she does, that she and I don't run in the same circles, that she had no interest in me, that our friendship was dead.

DID SHE THINK I DIDN'T KNOW? DID SHE HAVE TO TELL ME! I'm NOT naive! I'm not stupid!
-What?! Did she think I thought she actually wanted to be friends?! That I thought everything was fine!
I just hoped that maybe it could die peacefully. Now I have to go get a new locker, and I'm not taking her home anymore or going to school with her. She had to make a big deal. Did she seriously think I didn't get it? -I guess not. I thought maybe we could just leave school this year as aquaintances and never look back; we wouldn't even know each other sophmore year.

I guess it just kinda shocked me that she wanted to end it now, in the middle of the year. Also, she's always looked down on my intellect, she liked to think herself superior to me. I guess she just thought me so dumb that I would never get it if she never told me. -I wasn't expecting it. Well, I was. I just didn't want to face the truth, even if it was right in front of me. I didn't want to let go, I really liked haning with Cayla when were bestfriends. I love her family. Her 2 little sisters and her mother, I could hang with them all day, they were great.
Well, I've already had a good cry over it and I txted Adam to ask if he would come on so we could talk about it.

"How happy are those who know what sorrow means, for they will be given courage and comfort!"
-Mathew 5:4 (phillips)


oh, and, just to let you know: Chris Brown just asked me out (as friends) sometime to see if there was anything between us. When I said no thanks, he asked if there ever would be. Why are boys so serious about dating?

How come my life seemed so boring in January and now everything is crazy?

Lord, please give me wisdom and love towards these people. Thank you so much for the wonderful people you have put in my life than I can turn to (in addition to you) to ask advice and just to talk things over. Thank you for my parents and my life.