Free Will

Sitting in bed tonight, pondering the many trivialities of life, as always, I found myself unable to fall asleep. Instead, I kept thinking about why i blog. I'm personally amazed that I have kept up my blog for 2 years and 7 months now. I finally came to a semi-satisfying conclusion when my thoughts turned to Sarah, Paul's sister. Paul mentioned something about Sarah taking up kickboxing to release her anger, and it seemed to me that instead of releasing my pent up frustration at the world through physical activity (though i do like to run), I really vent via my blog. I don't think i get angry in the normal sense of the word, but I mean, come on, everyone gets annoyed, irritated.

So anywho, somehow thinking about my pent up anger got me thinking about all the things I don't do that i would really like to sometimes (like to just randomly start screaming at my spanish teacher that she's an ignorant fool).It always amazes me the power that God gave us by allowing us free will. If I wanted, I could, for no reason, swerve my car into that bright red jeep across from me when I go to school tomorrow morning -but i don't (mostly because my safety would also be in jeopardy, along with the other driver's). However, I sometimes find myself zoning out during one of Rudy's talks at LugROX and wondering what everyone would do if I just decided to start running at Rudy and tackle him, right in the middle of him reading scripture or something on stage, haha. I guess society's expectations are the main reason that I don't live out these random urges (like starting to sing songs from The King and I in the middle of the winter springs high school graduation ceremony), probably it's mostly respect to the people who would be wtinesses (or victims) to my acctions though, haha. Maybe it's fear, which is imposed through a mix of myself and society.

But still, we have so much power as human beings. After all, any one can be a killer.

Just as anyone has the capacity to kill, everyone also has the power to smile at the kid across the hallway or tell the guy who plays guitar in the parking lot that he makes their day (the guy on park avenue who plays is one of my fave things about my hometown). It's crazy. The power to destroy, maim (sp), or hurt seems so much stronger than the power to build up, encourage, and love, but both come from the same "gift" of free will that came from God. It's a choice when it comes to which urges are obeyed and which ones aren't (some being more than mere whims, of course). I wish i always listened to the good ones...

So there you have it, a random ranting from yours truly. I've been tossing this post around in my head for quite some time now, especially when I go on runs ('cus sometimes I actually do throw my fears off and do leaps and twirls and start to dance instead of actually running in my neighborhood). It didn't come out exactly how I would have liked it to, but not many things turn out that way anyway.

I don't know why I suddenly decided to write this post down now, but I did, I have the power to post what I want, when I want, so deal with it.