Falling For You

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'

As I'm sitting here, listening to my mom calmly tell me how she would like to run away from my family and leave it all behind, my thoughts are elsewhere.

*Sunshine Won't You Be My Mother*
*My Heart Is Darker Than These Oceans*

Tonight at o2 Azurae introduced a totally new thought to me:
God delights in me. Me.
Me, this sinner, this mess up, this hypocrite, this wanna-be. I don't understand it.
I don't understand how HE could. I mean, loving me is one thing, but delighting?
How can I grasp that?

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I think, more than anything [humanly-concerned], I want to be pleasing to my husband. I want him to take pleasure in me. Maybe that's why women like romance so much. We see a man taking pleasure in a woman (who she is, not what she seems), and the woman enjoys pleasing him. I can't wait to put a smile on my man's face.
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I think my mom has gone away from depending on God and now relies on her conclusions of her own pyschological explorations of her, my dad's, and their parents' relationships with each other.

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As I was walking to the office last friday, almost in tears because I didn't make call backs, I was momentarily distracted by the sky across the Lyman courtyard. The birds were chirping and the sky was so pretty. The clouds streamed across and the shadow of the rising sun was such a gentle reminder of God's love for me. To think, he planned that for me. He knew I would be upset and walking to the office to be picked up, He set those clouds in motion for me to see Him in them.

I want to fall In Love With Him.